A book written by Cheryl Kilodavis about her son
Dyson, Cheryl's son
Cheryl Kilodavis is a mother of a young boy named Dyson who decided at a young age that he preferred to wear dresses. It started when he asked his mother to be a princess boy for Halloween and of course she told him that he couldn't be a princess. She eventually realized that the only reason she said no was because she had an issue within herself. She came to the realization that she should in force general gender roles upon her kids if it makes them unhappy. After Halloween Dyson began to wear dresses and the colour pink on a daily basis. Cheryl Kilodavis then decided to write a childrens book called "My Princess Boy" which received international attention, both positive and negative.
Mr. Mohammad Ali said it best "Me,we". This poem that consist of two words, two syllables, four letters is much more complex than it seems to be. This poem speaks about unity, bringing all kinds of people together. Cheryl Davis is simply discussing the evolution of man. She states that when something difference comes about it also brings discomfort. She understands that people feel uneasy with the thought of her allowing her son to dress in dresses so she presents images of famous people today who wear the "opposite sex's clothing". I put that in quotations because there is no clothing that is for one gender, clothes are clothes. She also discusses how bullying awareness is something that is taught but acceptance awareness should also be taught. society puts a big emphasis on the act of bullying but it doesn't include how really people should be accepting the difference that people bring. Cheryl is basically saying how yes people are different and yes people may feel a discomfort but we should be focuses on uniting everyone and accepting their differences. If the individual isn't harming you in any way why do people feel the need to disrespect it?
I guess I'm asking your thoughts on the way society reacts to things that aren't apart of the gender norms?
- Should it be an issue seeing boys dress up in clothes that females usually wear? Vice Versa?
- Why do people come off as disrespectful and defensive when someone new presents itself? Is it nessecarry for people to act so ignorant to things that cause no harm to them?
- Why are people quick to reject rather than accept something new?
TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS!
ME, WE
I admire this woman's act in allowing her son to dress in what makes him uncomfortable, many parents nowadays are become more accepting and I'm enjoying the change. To answer a few of your questions, I don think it should be an issue for boys to dress in clothes seen as belonging to the female gender. Men in the middle east where skirts all the time, and so do people in Scotland. Let's also not forget that a few years back women where not allowed to wear pants, and that has now changed. I see this as another step towards fully accepting people as who they are. I also believe that people usually react to things negatively due to fear of change. Alot of people seen to be afraid to be wrong or to change things, for what reason I don't know, but it saddens me to see it. Hopefully people will realize that their reactions are ignorant and unreasonable.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your response, you said "people usually react to things negatively due to fear of change" This reminded me of the speech that singer/song writer John Legend gave at the commencement ceremony at Penn State last week. He said "The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is fear" People tend to have hatred towards something that they fear and in many cases people fear change. If people had love in their heart they would act negatively towards something new. If people had love in their heart they would accept new things with open arms. People fear change and s result they grow hatred, for what reasons? I couldn't tell you.But if people had love in their heart they wouldn't be so quick to judge.
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ReplyDelete1. Should it be an issue seeing boys dress up in clothes that females usually wear? Vice Versa?
ReplyDeleteNo, I don't think it should be an issue seeing boys dress up like females, its however they fell comfortable. We brought up the whole "pink" issue and how boys feel that wearing "pink" is more of a girly thing so certain men refuse to wear pink because they feel that its a female colour. We shouldn't segregate colours and label them as boy and girl, colour is colour. According to one popular source colour is "the property possessed by an object of producing different sensations on the eye as a result of the way the object reflects or emits light." no where in that definition does it segregates colour based on a persons gender. In today's society, women dress up like men but that doesn't seem to be an issue. Why might society make it a big deal if men dress like women if its not a big deal when women dress like men.
2. Why do people come off as disrespectful and defensive when someone new presents itself? Is it nessecarry for people to act so ignorant to things that cause no harm to them? Why are people quick to reject rather than accept something new?
Certain people might not have an open mind and will shut off anything that goes against the dominant discourse. Just like conservatives, they want to preserve tradition and any new change that might threaten tradition. They will reject it because they want to keep the old way of doing things. There are a lot of reasons why one might resist change and for one, there is a fear of unknown. People will usually resist change if they don't know the outcome. But really, its just clothes like you said clothes are clothes even at this time period, men in certain countries were dresses to keep cool in hot areas but if you see that here in our country, its like "What are you doing, wear a suit or something" There is also the idea that certain people will normally want to insult others for their own entertainment so having someone who goes against the dominant discourse would be an easy target.
I agree with you, but what I didn't agree with is the choice of words that you used. Ultimately I think we should eliminate the terms "girl clothes" and 'boy clothes". Aresma mentioned that not long ago it was not seen as gender norm with women wearing pants. PANTS!!! But today someone couldn't say "only males should be allowed to wear pants" As a society I feel that we are changing and that we shouldn't continue to use phrases that enforce general gender norms. Skirts aren't female clothing nor is pants male clothing.
DeletePersonally, I don't think that it should be an issue if boys dress in female clothes and vice versa. Come to think of it, men have been taking the biggest hits if they try to change in any way. Girls can wear boy clothes and are just seen as tomboys and it goes unnoticed, but if boys wear what is deemed as feminine clothes and people go ballistic! I think this is because society has always seen men as the superior gender, and for the superior gender to start acting like the inferior gender is something that should never happen. Although we as a society are taking steps to overcome this, you can't teach an old dog new tricks, and society just so happens to be a very old dog.
ReplyDeleteI love how you brought up gender double standards! Like you said generally its okay, or at least it isn't frowned upon seeing a women dress like how typical a man would dress but if the roles were switched and a male whore clothes the women typically wore then all hell would break loose. Excuse my french, but people are so quick to judge a male that wears clothes that seem more feminine but people are quicker to accept a female that dressed in clothing that seem more masculine. Now this bothers me because why is it an issue that males dress like females but it is less of an issue if a female dressed like a male? This is the exact mind sets that we need to get rid of, because gender double standards are an equality issue.
DeleteLike Arsema stated, I too admire the women who let her son dress up as a princess for Halloween. As we discussed in our round table discussion, society doesn't like change and is not open minded to what they don't consider the norm. I personally don't see the issue in men wearing feminine clothing, or vice versa. Why is it considered normal that women are called tom-boy when they wear clothing that men usually wear, yet when guys want to wear the color pink, or wear female clothing, they are called homosexuals? It's because the dominant discourse surrounding men is that they should look and act manly, and anything else would be wrong.I feel as though society as a whole is afraid of change. Many older people think that God made us the way we are, and changing or feeling another way is wrong.I feel as though although it may take a long time to accept change, we are moving a step forward by hearing stories like the one you listed above.
ReplyDeleteBut exactly what does "act manly" mean?! How does a man act, because last time I checked there are different kinds of men all over the world and so how do we know which way of acting is the accurate definition of "manly"? Dominate gender discourses are what we need to get rid of. As humans we tend to generalize "types" of people, as if we are prone to point out differences with people. And instead of focusing on the similarities among each other, the differences weigh more on our judgement of people. You last sentence meant something to me "I feel as though although it may take a long time to accept change, we are moving a step forward by hearing stories like the one you listed above." In the example above Cheryl said that she received emails of people saying that they are in the same position. Just replies like that make me realize that people all over the world go through similar situations as someone they don't even know and it amazes me because that just proves that's general gender assumptions are in fact inaccurate.
DeleteMy point exactly! When I wrote act manly, I feel as though people tend to think that men have to be strong, cannot cry, should protect women, never show their real emotions. We really do need to get read of these assumptions of how men should look or act, but if you ask many people in our school, the men would most likely state that they have to appear strong on the outside, or they get made fun of.
DeleteAlso, the fact that others emailed Cheryl shows the similarities in these situations since as you stated, prove that these assumptions are incorrect.
I really applaud this woman for raising her child this way. Like she said she realized the problem was with herself and not with him and that's something many people would have difficulty accepting. Change is scary and difficult for people to understand however the fact that she embraces her child's differences instead of punishing him proves what a remarkable person she is. I really do think that there should be more people like her! Because like Arsema stated many social changes have occurred and to be honest I think it's time to look forward and embrace a better world for all people regardless of sexual orientation,skin color and anything else people use to define others.
ReplyDeleteI agree with most of the bloggers, that the woman did an admiring job by allowing her son to wear pink and dressing up as a princess. Most parent’s choice would have refused their children from wearing what society’s ideal gender clothing is. But just like you mentioned, Cheryl Kilodavis's only issue was herself, and that she came to the realization that she was forcing her son to dress a certain way, even though he was completely okay with it. To answer your questions, I do not think it should be a problem for men to wear clothes that women usually wear. I think the society is just built in a way that every gender has their type of clothing, therefore when one gender wants to try something new, everyone finds it weird. Just like Arsema said, it was not too long ago when women started wearing pants. The society needs to come to a realization that the world is slowly growing with more equality, and not everyone will be influenced under a certain restriction. Not every man is going to want to wear dark colors, just because most men wear it, rather than bright colors. This also answers your other two questions. I think the society acts ignorant towards people who wants more changes, because it not the tradition that most of the community follows. If more girls start wearing clothing that men usually wear, then slowly everyone will start to get used to it. Since most individuals are afraid of being disrespected, they rather hide their inner personality.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your ending. And that is just like everything else in society. When something new surfaces society gets defensive and disrespectful and it isn't until more people begin to speak out and say they are the same that society will begin to accept them. Just like everyothwr human inequality issue, it needs to be fought for to gain acceptance. I just wish for the day to come when society has a positive reaction rather than a negative reaction to something new.
Deletefirst off, great post Paula! Second, these parents can do whatever they want with their children as long as they don't try to shove this idea down my throat, i don't think it is an issue. It may not cause harm Paula however I think that some things are disturbing to see, to be honest if I were to figure out that there is a boy wearing female dresses i would trip out for a tad second, then I would just not care. they are quick to judge because it something unusual to their eyes, what would you do if you seen a bear with wings? its kind of like that. i would accept this though, there is no harm if your child wants to wear clothes of the opposite sex and it definitely doesn't hurt me.
ReplyDeleteI see how you compared a little boy wearing dressing and bear with wings. The two examples aren't the same thing. The mother gets ridiculed and receives negative opinions for her decision. The bear with wings wouldn't be frowned upon. People would look at the bear and be fascinated rather than look at the bear with disgust. Do you see what I'm getting at here?
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